I Can’t Compete With Emptiness….

I Can’t Compete With Emptiness….

​I watched a woman sell her body to men, for a life I can never offer you. I saw the numbness of her pretending, so the men can climax. I watched independence, sell her a power that made her hopeless. I look into the emptiness of your pupils, understanding you would never sell your body, but I see that lust for more. I hold you with the passion of survival but you turn away from my embrace; trapped in a world bigger than us. I am frightened, not of being hurt, but one day waking up, and not giving a fuck. Us isn’t about flowing, it’s about sailing. We are lost, with no food for thought, no purity to liquefy your thirst, no compass to point us in the right direction. My heart is spilling, all the emotions that once patched me up. We built this place together, now it’s replaced with hoarded waste, which once had value. As the man ejaculated, I watched reality set in. He left emptier than he entered, and it was clear to me. You were stealing my soul and as much as I wanted your warm body next to mine; you were cold. We were dead. I needed to accept, we no longer have a pulse, and it’s time to resurrect my Love somewhere else….

~AzizBrown~

Where Are “You”….

Where Are “You”….

​I remember you! The “You” that would do anything and everything to make me smile. The “You” that would cook me my favorite  meal just because you can. The “You” that would iron my clothes just because you didn’t want me to go out wrinkled. The “You” that would push me to dream and never settle for a harsh reality. What happened to “You”? Now it is all a job. You look at me with disgust, wanting me to do everything for myself, you’re not the same. Have I changed? I still wake up with the same pleasure for you. I cook your favorite  meals just to see your joy, text you my heart daily, and look forward to spending quality time with you hugged up in my arms. My passion hasn’t change. Where is the “You”that wants “Us”….

~AzizBrown~

LOVE Is Powerful….

LOVE Is Powerful….

​LOVE is a powerful word, it means two people are ready to honor a faith to be in each other’s best interest. It means they are willing to be honest, dedicated, devoted, and trusting. It’s  saying, they are ready to communicate free of pretense and nastiness. It’s fragile because one move in the wrong direction, two heart may get broken. LOVE is honoring a commitment to being responsible for someone else’s JOY. If a person can’t honor those terms, they shouldn’t use the word….

~AzizBrown~

Holding On By A Thread….

Holding On By A Thread….

​Sitting at the foot of the bed, restless from all the unresolved thoughts racing through my mind. Couldn’t sleep an ounce because my head is pounding. The argument last night, left me believing this would be our last night. I am tired of proving my worth, when the value of our relationship should be enough. One vein protruded out my forehead, neck visualizing that same anger, and my voice is mixed with the Love for your soul and the hate of your skepticism. Yes, I will hurt you over and over again because we are sensitive to those we Love the most. But, I will never betray you nor do anything to play you. I am so tired. I can’t  compete with your endless doubts which are misplaced. I would understand if I made a habit of coming up short or acted on the cheating accusations of your thoughts, but I have done nothing but been thoughtful and have always stood tall. I fell in Love with such a confident woman, your insecurities have taken that Love for granted.  Now, I sit at the end of the bed contemplating if this would be the end of this being our bed. When the morning before we woke up and shared a kiss….

~AzizBrown~

Dancing to Your Beat….

Dancing to Your Beat….

​I laughed this morning because I woke up and you were dancing to your own beat. There was no music playing in the background, but I can feel the rhythm of your energy inspiring me. I smiled because i was happy to be in presence of such a great human being. I am delighted to be witnessing the true blessing of Love. I stopped and thought because you are moving around the house with grace and I am grateful, my heart is in your hands. I believe you will do everything in your power to take care of it. I close my eyes because I had to open them again, just to make sure I am not dreaming. You are definitely a fantasy come true, and the truth is, I am In Love….

~AzizBrown~

Rude Awakening….

Rude Awakening….

“I Love you”, rolled off her tongue like the crumbs of the muffin, she ate every morning. I digested those words like I would starve without them. Woke up one morning to an empty left side of the bed, this didn’t seem right. I grabbed my phone, called her. One ring and straight to voice mail. I left a message,  “call me when you get this”. I opened up my Facebook to see her status was changed to single. My eyes watered, but I refused to allow a tear to drop. I used anger to subside the pain. I went through her closets, everything was gone. Start on the draws, everything gone. Last night before my eyes closed she said “I Love you” and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes this morning to emptiness. I never saw it coming but it came and went. She made her mark and it would scar me for life….

~AzizBrown~

Learning To Communicate….

Learning To Communicate….

​I held my breath around her, in fear my words will hurt her feelings. I mean, I Love her, and that meant keeping certain things to myself. At least that’s what I was taught. So, I held my words and allow them to turn into anger and resentment. I became so unhappy, not believing I had a friend in my partner. 

One day she came home crying about a hard day at work. I got angry and told her “I can careless about her little work problems”. She looked at me with this face of disappointment and disgust. My heart split in half as soon as her face turned. I know, it wasn’t her but me holding in all the truth I had to express. She got up and walked out the door, I run to the door begging her to talk, but she was silent. She just walked down the street. I cowardly closed the door and didn’t follow her.

I sat on the bed feeling sorry for myself, instead of fighting for my wife’s forgiveness. I wasn’t taught to communicate in a healthy way with women. I was just taught to protect their emotions, not seeing that communicating honestly would have protected the relationship. She came back, we spoke, but the pain I caused taught me to communicate with her more effectively. I could have lost everything, believing she wasn’t strong enough to handle my truths.