Fear Cost….

Fear Cost….

My heart dropped when you said you wanted to talk. We were doing great but my last girlfriend left in a great place as well. You knocked on the door, I swallowed, but my mouth was bone dry. I took the chain off the door and let you in. You grabbed my hand and walked me to the living room. You asked me to sit on the couch. My knees buckled as I sat. I started to sweat. You noticed the water pouring from my forehead. You passed me a napkin but took it from me and started to wipe my sweat yourself. I looked up at you and said “What do you want to talk about?” You got on your knees, looked me in the eyes, and said ” things have been going great but”. That “But” made my stomach turn and I can actually feel my heart stop beating. I was dead for at least five seconds. I said, “But what”? you said, “Let me finish, But we are just boyfriend and girlfriend and I am tired of just being that. Out of pure fear of losing you I said ” Will You Marry Me?” You said, “Damn, I was getting ready to ask you, and you ruined the propasal.  You got up, stormed out and left the ring on the floor in a box. On the way out you said, “I always wanted to marry a man that wasn’t afraid to break traditional norms, but you just showed me in one moment I was wrong about you”! You closed the door and never came back….

The moral of the story is negative thoughts will change a positive act to a negative outcome. Remain optimistic about a great relationship, it can actually be great….

~AzizBrown~

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I Once Feared….

I Once Feared….

I write in fear that all my Love will leave as soon as my words hit the paper. With you not around at the moment I just want to speak my heart to you. The rain splashes on the window and streams of water fall down the glass. The passion in the air is a togetherness that can only bond Lovers. I close my eyes and attempt to picture my arms around your body but my imagination couldn’t  compete with the real thing. I try to inhale your smell but the pipes of the projects prevent me from smelling anything but pissy heaters. I want to bottle all these emotions in me, yet I am writing. I can’t hold them in because the overwhelming Love forces me to document my passion. It pains me to hold it all in, though I tried, and I failed. Yet, I succeeded in using words that defined  how my heart believes in yours. I had to write them because if my breath begins to shorten, I didn’t want to leave you without understanding all you mean. I Love You, I Love Us, I Love Life because we are a We. My first line was written in fear I would lose and my last is written because I know how much I have to gain. I wrote these words because they enhance my soul and allows me to be closer to yours. Thank you for providing me Love worth describing.

Looking Outside….

Looking Outside….

​I wanted to be the guy walking over to that woman twirling her hair, excited to see him. I want to be the man in between the thigh of that woman with the nice behind walking down the street. Damn, I want to sit next to that great smelling attractive woman on the bus. I want to come home to that woman with that nice dress, waving in the wind. I want so much but  I am taking for granted what I have. I know nothing about none of these wants, yet I am assuming my life would be better with them. Then, why am I coming home every night?

~AzizBrown~

We Came Together….

We Came Together….

​I touched your back. I watched the chills literally run up your spine and transform into a smile with water filling your eyes. I kissed your lips gently enough to swallow the rough day you had. I put my hands through your hair and felt each strand in between the imprints of my fingers. I witness the pores swell in your face, arousing the passion in me. I am addicted to your happiness. The crease in your forehead built the tension between us. I wrap my tongue around your ear lobe, whispering “I Love you” in your eardrum. My heart beats out of my chest, hitting your erect nipples. I grab your body closer to mine, smelling the fold of your neck as I inhale the moment. I kiss your cheek, then your forehead, then your lips again. Our tongues graze, the corners of your mouth fits perfectly with shape of my lips. You moan, I release, we made Love and came together without entering one another….

~AzizBrown~

You Can’t Buy Me!!!!

You Can’t Buy Me!!!!

​You can’t buy me! “Yes, I like having items I can use, but your time is more important,” she said repeatedly. I kept working and buying her everything her heart desired. I left her in a house full of things that weren’t going to complete her. She wanted to spend time talking, cuddled up watching movies, reading books, and building our souls. I thought she was being ungrateful because I busted my ass to build the dream we talked about. Or was I talking about it and wasn’t listening? She is so unhappy and I am so tired from working long hours. I walked into the house we built and saw her sitting at the table staring off. She turned to me and said, “I want a divorce”. I never cheated, hit her, or disrespected her; why would she want a divorce? The first words that left my mouth were, “did you find someone else?” She look at me and said “I married someone else and now, I don’t know the person I am married to.” She was calm, with fatigue  all in her body language. I realized this was the first time I heard her in a long time. I worked harder to build a house but not a home. Okay, baby, you got my undivided attention beause I don’t want to be divided. I hear you, “I can’t buy you!” 

~AzizBrown~

Can We Be Saved….

Can We Be Saved….

​That argument last night displayed the passion we feel for one another but it also was a snapshot of how I don’t want to picture our future. We can get our points across without stealing each other’s self worth in the process. We promised to give each other value, but the partnership is losing interest.  Our patience has thinned out over the years. We can’t continue like this. Fight over easily solved issues; keep quiet when we need solution and never allow one another to complete a sentence. We must not want to be together anymore because when we are together we just end up apart. I still see marriage when I look in your eyes, yet every time we look away divorce is more of a reality. After last night , I have been thinking until this morning and I want us to start over this evening. Will you meet me at our favorite restaurant? so, we can begin again. I am not ready to quit because I want to die knowing my life was spent with you….

~AzizBrown~

You Are My Growth….

You Are My Growth….

​I want you to be the reason I know I have grown. I mean, just being in your presence should reflect, that I have moved passed my history of dating passing ideas. I want a concrete active relationship which shows I have lessened myself but have added something positive. I don’t just want to feel for you because we flow in and out of negative and positive. I want to believe in you, so when my eyes are closed I can still see you. I want the Love of a devotion that represents the dedication of two emerging into a faith together. I want to lose my mind, thinking through my heart because the process is so effortlessly mindless. Can we combine lives? Living for one another’s happiness. I want to commit to you until death has convinced me that it’s time to part….

~AzizBrown~