See The Big Picture….

See The Big Picture….

Partnership, relating is the easy part but maintaining relatability cross a lifetime, there lies the struggle. We all have goals, we all want singular things. What if I told you singular wants will never bring happiness? What if I told you we were made to work for something greater than ourselves? Playing several roles, connected to others fates. What if I told you the happiest you would ever be would mean signing up for a role in other people’s lives. Whether it be friend, romantic partner, purpose partner; building a like minded group. Would you believe me? Or would you want to work harder to prove that fact wrong? Today, sit back and watch people. Think about what you can do to bring those people happiness (whether you know them or not). Let go of everyone that hurt you and just find inside what you have to offer others. See if that feeling still motivates you, see if it still brings you JOY. You will feel that passion and that is relating. Once you start thinking about yourself again, you will realize how closed off and disconnected you will become again because you don’t have trust in a fellowship….That disconnect is why we lose relatability because we lose focus on the goal Love and togetherness….so we become disloyal and bitter….and our partnerships fade….
~AzizBrown~

That Isn’t Us….

That Isn’t Us….

Why am I always selling you a dream because I don’t want to factor in others’ realities, being ours? No, I can’t picture myself lying in between another woman’s thighs. Why do I have to admit that it could happen? No, I can’t picture me putting my hands on you in any abusive way. That isn’t something I will ever concede to being a reality. No, I won’t leave you to chase greed, you are my dream, I can’t see a future without you. Us breaking up, that isn’t happening; that isn’t our life. Stop living other people’s realities and making it ours. I make it home everyday. When I can’t, I call you, and tell you why. When I tell you why, you never have to second guess the reason, unless, I am trying to surprise you with a happy moment. When we make love, tears still run down your cheeks from the happiness of our passion to please one another. Yes, we argue and fuss but that’s because we are honest about things we disagree with, and we aren’t going to bite our tongues just to maintain a false peace. We live check to check but we are never struggling wondering how we will pay the bills because we manage our funds together. We are honest about our earnings and where they are going. We live within our means. This is our reality. All this Love between us is our reality. Come here, give me a kiss, your lips on mine is our reality. We don’t have to be those around us, we will forever go up and never be down again because we have each other. You are my reality! Happiness is possible….

~AzizBrown~

I watched you sleep last night, I stared at the peacefulness of the relaxed muscles in your face, and promised myself I would do everything it takes to maintain that peace. The world is at war but when our door closes, we shouldn’t live in a home divided. We are together because we are both better that way and there is no way I will forfeit what we have for no one. I will show up on time, hold you in the front of my mind, and continue to build the life we designed. Your the most important person to me because children will leave; parents will ask us to leave but we will forever stay. Your heart is my responsibility and I will honor that commitment with death. The fussing and fighting will always be to bring better nights. The kisses and hugs will be to make love. I am dedicated and devoted to us because we will remain in a united state. I love you and my life will be spent reflecting that Love….

~AzizBrown~

Our Plan….

Our Plan….

Our plan was to fall in Love and find forever in a life that doesn’t last forever. Now, obstacles  push us to our limits. Yet, we are staying on the path. I come home everyday looking forward to the time you rest your head on my heartbeat. You walk in the door after a long day at work and a smile still breaks out on your face. You blush like the first day we met. The children need to eat, do homework, and get ready for bed. We have this down to a science. First one home is the first one to prepare the house for the other’s arrival. The food is ready, we sit down,  and eat as a family; going around the table discussing our days. We are passing our love and communication to our children. Just like we said we would. They are in the bed at 9 o’clock the latest. We are tired so we use the shower to wake us up, retire to our room, and spend an hour expressing why we still come home. The TV goes on and you are rested on my heart again. Tomorrow it starts all over again….perfect!!!!

~AzizBrown~

I Want Great….

I Want Great….

I Want Great….
People may be able to string a few good moments together but you have to have a soul to function around me. I mean, most would settle for “good” because they have been “bad” a time in their lives. I expect great! I have an expectation for life which means I have an expectation for those around me. I have done a lot of bad (wrong). I continue to fail and get back up; I correct with focus and dedication. I think of those in my life before I decide to do something in life. You can guarantee I will be loyal to my words, dedicated to my actions, honest in my approach, and truthful in my apologies. Others returns should mirror the same. My company should reflect my values and set my worth. A few good deeds and just showing up through hard times isn’t good enough. You have to be present through it all, devote your heart beat. I am worthy….

~AzizBrown~

My Happy Home is No More….

My Happy Home is No More….

While I slept, tears fell on my pillow. Woke up to this empty feeling of loneliness. I was just holding you months before, now I am holding on the memories. My heart has a deep hole to fill, yet I strive to be whole again. I sit at the table sipping on my morning tea, allowing the steam to hit my face. Anything to make me feel alive. I sip and it’s warmth is just a reminder of how it felt coming home to my past. I stare into space, losing minutes off the clock. I place my mug in the sink full of dishes, strip out my pajamas, and jump in the shower. The water hits my skin. I can’t feel a thing. I miss you. Placing the soap in the cloth, I inhale the aroma. I close my eyes and can see me washing your back, turning you around, and placing a kiss on your lips before I wash the front of you. I open my eyes to watch you whither away again. My tears blend with the shower water. I pull myself together, using the little strength I have to wash myself. I turn off the water, step out the tub, and start to brush my teeth. I look in the mirror to see the dark circles forming around my eyes, the wrinkles cutting into my face, i am dying. I rinse and spit, rinse and spit. I turn off the sink, dry my face, and walk into the room to get dressed. I put on my unironed pants one leg at a time. You ironed my clothes and doing so for myself will feel like I am trying to replace you. The shirt I place on my back is equally as wrinkled. I have to get to work. I am so mad at God for taking my love so early in life. I am mad because God gave me a taste of heaven. I never ate the fruit, yet God still took my rib. I place on my coat and walk out the door. I turn the key to my home that once represented happiness, now it’s houses my pain. I miss you baby, yet I am trying to live again….

~AzizBrown~

The Rising of the Heat….

The Rising of the Heat….

The heat has risen and the smoke refuses to clear. Our words are so unclear to one another that we need a translator just to get an ounce of understanding. Why do we return? The outcome continues to play out the same, yet we continue to hope for the difference. But the difference will not happen unless we are willing to change or find what changed to make us so estranged. At times, I can just strangle you. It wasn’t always like this. We were always rushing to spend time with each other. Now, we don’t mind spending time apart. Was it the years, which stole our passion for one another? Or was it the fact that we are no longer who we once were? Didn’t our commitment mean we should fight to maintain what we had? Well, regardless of the reason, we are here, and I can’t hear you or see where you are coming from anymore. I am done working to be heard and seen. Seems like the nightmare is our reality, it’s time to wake up in separate beds…..

~AzizBrown~