While I slept, tears fell on my pillow. Woke up to this empty feeling of loneliness. I was just holding you months before, now I am holding on the memories. My heart has a deep hole to fill, yet I strive to be whole again. I sit at the table sipping on my morning tea, allowing the steam to hit my face. Anything to make me feel alive. I sip and it’s warmth is just a reminder of how it felt coming home to my past. I stare into space, losing minutes off the clock. I place my mug in the sink full of dishes, strip out my pajamas, and jump in the shower. The water hits my skin. I can’t feel a thing. I miss you. Placing the soap in the cloth, I inhale the aroma. I close my eyes and can see me washing your back, turning you around, and placing a kiss on your lips before I wash the front of you. I open my eyes to watch you whither away again. My tears blend with the shower water. I pull myself together, using the little strength I have to wash myself. I turn off the water, step out the tub, and start to brush my teeth. I look in the mirror to see the dark circles forming around my eyes, the wrinkles cutting into my face, i am dying. I rinse and spit, rinse and spit. I turn off the sink, dry my face, and walk into the room to get dressed. I put on my unironed pants one leg at a time. You ironed my clothes and doing so for myself will feel like I am trying to replace you. The shirt I place on my back is equally as wrinkled. I have to get to work. I am so mad at God for taking my love so early in life. I am mad because God gave me a taste of heaven. I never ate the fruit, yet God still took my rib. I place on my coat and walk out the door. I turn the key to my home that once represented happiness, now it’s houses my pain. I miss you baby, yet I am trying to live again….

~AzizBrown~

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