I see her. But, she is blinded by yesterday pain, unforgiving of herself for allowing failure to be possible. She runs, from all that causes smiles and happiness. Discomfort has new meaning. When hugged, she pictures betrayal. When kissed, she only thinks how the saliva will dry. When Loved, she believes God hates her. Yet, I still see her. Everything I know her heart can be. The hope of a romantic Love that see us both daring to risk everyone to gain everything. The pain in her eyes can’t blind her forever, and when she can see herself again. I want to be right there waiting….
The “Me Too” movement is much needed, but it should come with instructions on how to approach a woman. I am afraid to flirt, knowing that it could cost me my job, my integrity, and a chance at a longterm relationship. Should men now wait for women to approach them? When a man crosses the line, he should be called out. I support “rats” being exposed and shining a light on inequality. I just want some rules and regulations. When is it okay to express your interest?
I was sitting in a sexual harassment training and the lawyer stated that paying a compliment could be sexual harassment. She said, “That goes for men and women”, but it doesn’t apply to women. Women have given me unwanted attention. I expressed that it was unwanted and they started being nasty. A few of them told people, I was coming on to them. My mother told me women hate to be rejected. If this is known, why aren’t more men exposing women. Would people believe them? Is that the same fear women have as well? I have always wondered why oppressed groups don’t just fight for inequality across the board. Yes, the focus should be narrowed to make an impact, but if the oppressed stopped oppressing, the fight for inequality would make an impression. A man can dream! But, back on topic. “Me Too”, is highlighting an issue and that it should. I need to know, how can men correct the issue without losing the option of making their interest known….
A heart beat increases in the middle of the night, cold sweat invades your forehead, and your eyes are blood shot. You remember when it was great to have hope in the future. The belief, when you hugged them felt like forever. Then, it all changed. The reality of self before us became apparent. Life will never feel the same again. Those joyful smiles are lost in the anger of disappointment. The walks that seemed so romantic are devalued. You sit looking out the window at the emptiness of possibilities. Nothing makes you feel alive. Then, you walk pass a person, two eyes become four, then two again. Your heart begins to have life beating out your chest. Your teeth appear and the warmth of the sun had meaning. You remember the breathes you take are to Love, not live in misery. We walk toward the person, taking a leap of faith. You risk the heart beats increasing in the middle of the night, cold sweats invading your forehead, and your eyes being blood shot. Because, it is worth never feeling that lost again because you truly found a forever happiness….
Is it Love that you believe in? Or is it the passion of moments that you try to hold on to for a lifetime? You come home day after day, building a life with someone that takes you for granted. You hold on to the great times as if the relationship shouldn’t be full of them. We are taught that we should eat straps because in the beginning we were dining at the finest resturants. Relationship are hardwork they say….but it is personal. Passion should replace the word work. Arguments should create peace not distant memories of souls intertwined. Bitting our tongues isn’t Love, it’s a mouth full of blood, and it hurts. When we are ready to walk out the door, why is there another gear they can achieve? Shouldn’t that be the gear that’s consistently shown. Shouldn’t the exception be alone time to collect our thoughts? It is sad! Our reality is working through selfish choices because we Love someone. Shouldn’t Love be keeping your Love ones in mind before you make a choice? It’s heartbreaking! We see a happy couple and widsom is telling them, they will not be happy forever. Happy people are so naive, yet miserable one’s are insightful. Do you believe in Love? Love is, going through life honoring every commitment you made with your life. Love is, communicating every misguided thought to essure your relationship remains guided. Love is, navigating through life’s problems not creating problems, just to say you witnessed life. We need to learn what Love is because our belief in Love is starting to cross the thin line to hate….
Mute, my voice has been silenced because you refuse to have truth leave your lips. Everything that once gave me life, has killed our growth, planted by weeds. You broke my heart by forgetting to let me in on your secrets. You have destroyed my ego because I let you in on mine. I attached you to my dreams by making you the queens of my creativity. Now, the cameras have lose their focus and I am left being the editor of whether we were ever right. Love had blinded me from seeing, I can see. You made a fool of me and for that I am angry. But, I am upset with you for not Loving the foolish me, the me that wanted to be happy….
Our eyes, pacing back and forth, four pubils work as two in unison. I see you and you see me. Our lips aren’t moving, yet we are having words. I can smell the familiar scent of your skin. We are so intertwined that I can feel the joy in your smile. We have erased the background of our surrounds. We are we! Our margin are aligned, we are writing the story of us. I am responsible for those crow feet evading your eyes. You are the reason I have happy marks circling my mouth. Your ears remain open to my heart and my heart remains open to your ideas. We have touched one another within using our hands. My shoulders broaden in your presense, I am gifted with the strength to carry your weight. I am blind. I am blessed enough to have someone that can guide me. Doubt has no pulse, hope is breathing. You are forever, the measurement for happiness….
Go into the bathroom and wash the pain off your face, before it stains. We are connected so that you can find happiness not be a product of hurt. When you return, I want to start by giving you a hug, showing you that our heart are one. I want to sit and have an honest discussion about why those tears have invaded your eyes. They are blinding you of all the possible joy breathing can bring. You are no longer the person that stayed because you left. You aren’t all the negative remarks because you set a new mark. You have decided to raise your standards, and it will definitely create distance from those who have no standards at all. While you are still in the bathroom look in the mirror. Do you see the same scared person? Do you see the things your past has lied to you about? We are all insecure about one thing or another. But, what is going to separate us from others is we aren’t settling for those insecurities being our identity. We will look in the mirror, stare straight at those insecurities, and work toward being secure. Deep breath, deep breath! This is a passing moment from your past, lets start working toward your positive future. We are in this together….
Note to Self….