A heart beat increases in the middle of the night, cold sweat invades your forehead, and your eyes are blood shot. You remember when it was great to have hope in the future. The belief, when you hugged them felt like forever. Then, it all changed. The reality of self before us became apparent. Life will never feel the same again. Those joyful smiles are lost in the anger of disappointment. The walks that seemed so romantic are devalued. You sit looking out the window at the emptiness of possibilities. Nothing makes you feel alive. Then, you walk pass a person, two eyes become four, then two again. Your heart begins to have life beating out your chest. Your teeth appear and the warmth of the sun had meaning. You remember the breathes you take are to Love, not live in misery. We walk toward the person, taking a leap of faith. You risk the heart beats increasing in the middle of the night, cold sweats invading your forehead, and your eyes being blood shot. Because, it is worth never feeling that lost again because you truly found a forever happiness….
I washed my hand of the madness between us, but you followed me into the next room. I am suppose to hold my anger, yet I asked for space, and you keep coming closer. The baby is in the next room crying, the other children are so used to our dysfunction they continue to watch television. They are laughing in the background as your voice increases with rage because I refuse to respond. I want to keep my family whole. How is that possible when together we are so unhealthy? I talked to my family and friends, it is some normal in their lives they tell me to thug it out. Your in my ear and I am ready to boil. I reach for the door to leave. You grab my hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, “You can’t walk out on me, you ruined my body with these children”. I turn with the devil in my eyes, “get off me”. You just grab me with your other hand, saying “I am not scare of you”. Pushing my buttons, testing my resolve. I have never hit you before but I am close. Teeth are clitching, jaw is protruding, and the vein in my forehead is ready to explore. The moment continue to weaken me. You are shaking me, my hand is forming a fist, and arm is cocking back. One of the children come out. “Mommy, Daddy, I am hungry. God used my lil girl to remind me of the man I am. I walk into the kitchen and start making the children something to eat. Continuing to live this life, hiding behind staying for the children, not seeing that staying is hurting my children.
Too many of us had Too many sad ending that we are scared to begin again. We preach bitterness as WISDOM and selfishness as SMARTS. Allowing an individual to replace our faith in TOGRTHERNESS with self-Perservation. We must always remember that this life is all about searching for HEAVEN and staying focus on that as our DESTINATION through all the pain. Keep your heart open, believe you learned from the past, and will find better in your future. Maintain LOVE as a FAITH….
Authored By Aziz
Dear Aziz Love Shabazz Brown,
This isn’t the greatest world I gifted you because the reality is, there will be evil people you will encounter. My job is to assure you do not become one of them. Matter of fact, MY PURPOSE is to assure that you give to this world far more than you take from it. That will start with SELF-CONFIDENCE. You will leave our home understanding your value and you will return daily with that same worth. Listen to me, I have built myself to be the type of man you can look up to and I will not stop building you until we are seeing EYE to EYE. I have no plans for your career, partnership, or dreams; but I will instill of FOUNDATION that will allow to KNOW you are capable of anything you wish to accomplish. LOVE will pump through your veins! I will hug and kiss you because affection is a MUST. I will DISCIPLINE you because wrong will need to be corrected to right. I will CHALLENGE you because I will be damned if you aren’t prepared when life does. But most of all, I will have FAITH in you because limiting you isn’t an option. Aziz Love Shabazz Brown you will be provided a VillAGE, so what I can’t someone else can. I look forward to our journey TOGETHER….
I LOVE YOU from your DADDY
Fellas, showing a woman you are dedicated to Loving her, isn’t a weakness. Yes, she may take it as a weakness but at least you know that isn’t the woman for you. Hold her, pick one of her shows to watch with her, and sit and talk to her every night about the relationship you bought into. Being a “MAN” isn’t about making money, knocking people out, or breeding in every woman just because you can; Being a “MAN” is about being present by filling in the blanks where she is empty, promoting her where she is full, and devoting to any agreements you committed to. Fellas, if you choose to walk around guarded all day, you have to feel safe somewhere. She should be the place you can be vulnerable…. Authored By Aziz Brown
The journey of creating a life has allowed me to sleep a peaceful sleep. Knowing I already have the Love to be the father I need to be, strengthens my FAITH. Knowing I have housed my LEGACY in a woman I can fully trust with my son’s heart beats, allows me to rest comfortably. I know the world can be cruel and unjust, yet I decided to create because I believe this world can still be just and Loving. I believe we as people control this nation. So, I place my hand on her belly every night, promising to be the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, so help me God….
You swear your heart has endured more pain because I understand where I went wrong and I am willing to make it right. I have danced with people that stood eye to eye and moved the way I moved, just to watch the curtains close on my partnerships. I thought I will never grace the stage again but I wanted to perform. So, I found another partner and practice to perfect the steps again. You decided to leave the competition because your partner left and you never returned. You stopped dancing and blamed God for losing your passion. Was it truly passion if you allowed man to steal it? Now, I am on the national stage, show casing my Love. I am the standard of how partners should sail together but you envy me because I wouldnt break a leg. Yet, I still believe in you so break a leg….