My tempture baking, hot enough to cook a whole meal. You walked out the door, while I was in mid sentence, and I was trying to voice my passion for you. Now that I think about it, I am hurt. But, anger is the way I was raised to express myself as a boy. So, I have to be man enough to say, “You broke my heart”. I am left to figure us out by myself. I wanted us to work together, yet you don’t care about my wants. Actually, that was the problem the whole relationship. Me caring about you, you caring about you, and no one caring about me. Sad! Sitting here reflecting, I am chasing a ghost. You left because you abused me. The pain in my heart is so intense, I couldn’t breath once the door shut. With air reaching my brain, clarity is present. I am better off without you. I locked the door behind you….
I am holding my breath, giving you time for my words to resignate. Closing my eyes because the pressure of talking someone I Love into being convicted, is giving me a headache. I want to quit! But, my heart is still beating and I don’t want to walk away from an investment I put my soul in. I can hear my bitter friends now, “I told you, you never give anyone all of you”. I refuse to let them or you kill my faith. My mind is race, my heart is breaking, and my faith is dying. Are you sure this is what you want? “Yes, this is what I want”. So, why is it taking you so long to invest your savings? We both said we were all in. Walking through life confident, head straight on my goals. Yet, you cripple me, when you was suppose to make it possible for me to fly. I am waiting, but I want to live. Our relationship is up in the air, we need to be grounded….
I whispered in your ear “I Love you”, your cheek was pressed up against my face. The smell of your happiness, aroused me. My heart beat started the drum, my pores started to water, and I couldnt help but to wrap my arms around your lower back and pull you in closer. You are my life. You enhance my passion to live. I breathe a little deeper, due to smile. Your body heat warmed my soul, not because I am was horny, but because you are home. I pushed you away from me to see you eye to eye. I want you to know a part of my faith is to stay faithful to us. You started to cry, I placed four fingers against your temples, as my thumbs wiped your tears. I leaned in, to suck the tears I missed off you lips. You kissed me passioniately and I returned the passion by wrapping my lips around yours. The moment was perfected in joy. Love wasn’t made, it was explored….
I Love You Aziz
I washed my hand of the madness between us, but you followed me into the next room. I am suppose to hold my anger, yet I asked for space, and you keep coming closer. The baby is in the next room crying, the other children are so used to our dysfunction they continue to watch television. They are laughing in the background as your voice increases with rage because I refuse to respond. I want to keep my family whole. How is that possible when together we are so unhealthy? I talked to my family and friends, it is some normal in their lives they tell me to thug it out. Your in my ear and I am ready to boil. I reach for the door to leave. You grab my hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, “You can’t walk out on me, you ruined my body with these children”. I turn with the devil in my eyes, “get off me”. You just grab me with your other hand, saying “I am not scare of you”. Pushing my buttons, testing my resolve. I have never hit you before but I am close. Teeth are clitching, jaw is protruding, and the vein in my forehead is ready to explore. The moment continue to weaken me. You are shaking me, my hand is forming a fist, and arm is cocking back. One of the children come out. “Mommy, Daddy, I am hungry. God used my lil girl to remind me of the man I am. I walk into the kitchen and start making the children something to eat. Continuing to live this life, hiding behind staying for the children, not seeing that staying is hurting my children.