I am not worthy of my eyes closing and dreaming of you because I fear your no’s wide awake. I am not of value because your stare isn’t enough, I want you in my arms cuddled up on the couch. I don’t deserve to breathe because I hold my breath in your presence, taking for granted the time I am wasting. I am not worth your faith because I Love escape when I refuse to take a step. I don’t deserve God because I have devilish thoughts of sexual lust. I am not because we aren’t and I want to be….
Her hand started out extending for a hand shake. I shook her hand, looked into her eyes, and smiled. She gave me eye contact but looked away with a large grin on her face. We knew the connection had life. We saw one another the next day and she extended again. I said ” I am not a fan of giving women hand shakes especially women I would rather hug.” She rolled her eyes yet extended her arms. She was letting me know it wasn’t going to be easy but she felt the same. We hugged! She pulled away faster than I would have wanted her to but it was a start. We passed each other in the halls several times, each time we showed interest with our eyes and teeth. There was no way to hide the attraction closing the gap between us. That hug wasn’t the last….
She is known for her no nonsense, taking care of business attitude and not being friendly. She enters a room and commands everyone’s attention. She would walk down the hallway never making eye contact with anyone until one day she walked the the same hallway, she has for months, but this time she shared this space with another being. As she normally would head held high, aloof to everything, but her own objective. He eyes caught a brightly colored shirt, as they moved up towards the face she made eye contact with the other person, for the first time she couldn’t take her eyes off of him; until his eye met hers. She couldn’t explain or understand why she was so focused on him but it was too much to maintain so shifted her eyes to the wall, the ceiling anything to break this overwhelming feeling she couldn’t explain. So many times before she has made eye contact with people before never even giving a second thought why was this time so different? She couldn’t explain it. She continued on with her day, her week brushing off the feeling and attributing it to the colorful shirt he had on.
Days turned into weeks and she began to see him more often everytime she passed him her eyes averting to everything else but him. Why …why she asked herself over and over why am i walking these halls now searching for him like Columbus searched for the new world. Never speaking, not even to say hello. How did he capture me in an instance, how was this one man able to Pierce a forcefield that was impenetrable to everyone else. Her aloof demeanor was non existent she could ignore alot but when he stepped into view nothing else was her focus. Why is it that when he stepped into a room she couldn’t see anyone else, she could hear the words people spoke, but couldn’t take her eyes off of him to answer. Why when he spoke did her seriousness dissipate and all that could be seen was a smile?
When they finally spoke that forcefield was compromised she knew this would change things forever. She couldn’t absolute anything but this one thing that she could and that was wanting to be in his life on any level.
He could see her eyes ignoring his and thought why is the walls and ceilings so interesting. I mean, her presence was felt, but her eyes had no contact. We never seen eye to eye! Until that day, the one day where she booked to go over his books. The silence was broken, the mood was set. Books all over the table but all they were able to do was read each other. That was the start. They started to have passing words, passive banter, then it all got aggressively serious. The would fight, make up, and fight again. She became his Asia but he didn’t Like to travel….So they parted because the distance was too distant and they were far too far apart. They lost their chance at Greatness….
~Melissa S. and AzizBrown~