I washed my hand of the madness between us, but you followed me into the next room. I am suppose to hold my anger, yet I asked for space, and you keep coming closer. The baby is in the next room crying, the other children are so used to our dysfunction they continue to watch television. They are laughing in the background as your voice increases with rage because I refuse to respond. I want to keep my family whole. How is that possible when together we are so unhealthy? I talked to my family and friends, it is some normal in their lives they tell me to thug it out. Your in my ear and I am ready to boil. I reach for the door to leave. You grab my hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, “You can’t walk out on me, you ruined my body with these children”. I turn with the devil in my eyes, “get off me”. You just grab me with your other hand, saying “I am not scare of you”. Pushing my buttons, testing my resolve. I have never hit you before but I am close. Teeth are clitching, jaw is protruding, and the vein in my forehead is ready to explore. The moment continue to weaken me. You are shaking me, my hand is forming a fist, and arm is cocking back. One of the children come out. “Mommy, Daddy, I am hungry. God used my lil girl to remind me of the man I am. I walk into the kitchen and start making the children something to eat. Continuing to live this life, hiding behind staying for the children, not seeing that staying is hurting my children.
I kissed your face, feeling your smile from the dimples pressed against my lips. It makes me happy to experience your happiness. If I can enhance your life then we will dance for life. Why are so many bitter? When we can actually spend our days passionate about inspiring passion into the people we Love. Her heart rest against my ear and a deep breath isn’t enough. I forget about all the broken times of past Love and fall asleep in the moment. Why is this the dream? Why is this the feeling people believe will not last? When all of her is enough and all of me is enough for she. I don’t anticipate the pain of the rain, when the rain waters my eyes with joy most can only hope for. She is sweets in this sour existence and I will not allow anyone to throw salt in my found treasure. Yes, I am in Love. Yes, I believe it will last forever. No, no doubt is in my heart because I never offer uncertainty in my word. Two can become one. Many can become few and call ourselves family. I am faithful to my union, unity has united us, and now I place my lips on your face just to smell and taste your soul. I am full….
My eyes closed! I dreamt of a light kiss on my cheek. I felt your breath against my skin, you spoke. Starting with “I Love you”, ending with “I Love being in your arms”. I woke up to emptiness. Nobody their to kiss or hold me, just a dream that I was Loved. The protection I felt while fantasizing, felt so comforting and real. It had to be real at some point. You had to truly feel what you expressed in your body language but it was all false. You had me sleeping wide awake, dreaming a reality that you steal in an instant. My eyes opened and I finally saw you. You only held and kissed me because you would be held and kissed in return. You never did it for my happiness but it felt so real….