The Pain of Disfunction….

The Pain of Disfunction….

I washed my hand of the madness between us, but you followed me into the next room. I am suppose to hold my anger, yet I asked for space, and you keep coming closer. The baby is in the next room crying, the other children are so used to our dysfunction they continue to watch television. They are laughing in the background as your voice increases with rage because I refuse to respond. I want to keep my family whole. How is that possible when together we are so unhealthy? I talked to my family and friends, it is some normal in their lives they tell me to thug it out. Your in my ear and I am ready to boil. I reach for the door to leave. You grab my hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, “You can’t walk out on me, you ruined my body with these children”. I turn with the devil in my eyes, “get off me”. You just grab me with your other hand, saying “I am not scare of you”. Pushing my buttons, testing my resolve. I have never hit you before but I am close. Teeth are clitching, jaw is protruding, and the vein in my forehead is ready to explore. The moment continue to weaken me. You are shaking me, my hand is forming a fist, and arm is cocking back. One of the children come out. “Mommy, Daddy, I am hungry. God used my lil girl to remind me of the man I am. I walk into the kitchen and start making the children something to eat. Continuing to live this life, hiding behind staying for the children, not seeing that staying is hurting my children.

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Use All Your Heart….

Use All Your Heart….

A smile can damage someone’s heart, when it is attached to the intentions of a criminal. A smile can also increase the blood flow of someone’s heart, when is it shared with longterm intentions. We fear the word “Commitment” because we are scared we can’t live up to our words. But we can! We can continue to be honest with ourselves, therefore we can be honest with what we truly have to offer. Stop selling a dream you arent going to spend your life constructed, so you can wake up to it. Stop holding someone’s heart in your speech, when you know your actions can’t maintain your grasp. We need to stop being afraid to show all of us. We should always put our hearts on display because when the beat stops, all that is left is who we did right by…..

Waiting For You to Enter….

Waiting For You to Enter….

Can’t wait for you to come home! I have been sitting here watching television thinking about the moment you walk into our home. I miss being cuddled up, kissing your forehead, while we talk about our lives together. You have only been gone for a couple of hours and I thought I was going to enjoy some alone time, but you are on my mind. I have resigned to the fact that my time alone is our time at home. I still enjoy your company after all these years. Just thinking about your smile almost brings me to tears. You have torn this hole in my heart and replaced what has been missing, making my heart whole. I sit here on the couch thinking  about you coming home, knowing for sure I will be satisfied in your presence….

~AzizBrown~

Let Me In….

Let Me In….

I can feel the creases in your eyes, I can sense the anger in your tone. You’re upset! Why are you acting like you aren’t? Do you believe you are weak because you’re vulnerable enough to display emotion or is it because you don’t want to care? You Love me and I you, a part of that Love means allowing yourself to express actual emotions. I have the power to hurt your heart in the worse way because I have the power to give you happiness. It’s physics. The higher in the sky the greater the impact of the fall, but don’t fear flying because you think we will die. Trust me, I built a castle in the sky and it’s built for two. So fly, be vulnerable, and lets live in the sky together. 
Let’s talk about what is on your mind….
~AzizBrown~

Point Taken….

Point Taken….

A woman sits her husband down to talk. She is tired of the emotional rollcoaster. She asks him “Are you truly happy with me?” She assures him, “This isn’t a trick question, I will not get angry at your answer, I just want to be clear.” She is so calm. He looks at her with apprehension because he has never saw her this calm. He says ” To be honest sometimes I am, and other times I am not”. She inquires “What makes you unhappy about our relationship?” He says “Honestly, It’s the idea that I can do better. We don’t talk much, I am not always happy coming home, and the sex isn’t always satisfying.” She stares at him and says, “Why have you never expressed this before?” He laughs, “Do you believe you have ever been this easy to talk to before?” She takes a deep breath and says, “So you base your communication on how easy it will be, over the honesty of your convictions. I am lying next to you night after night and you are lying next to me thinking these halfway thoughts”. He puts his head down, looks back up, and says; “Yes, I thought it was normal to keep those thoughts to yourself because they are just thoughts.” She stops him and says, “Yes, they are thoughts but thoughts can rob people of their choices. What if I didnt want to be with a man that has those thoughts? What if I was considering sleeping with another man?” “Matter of fact there is a man at work I have been wondering about for the last month!” He straightens his back in his chair and redness forms in his eyes. “What did you just say?” He said with his teeth grinded and lips tight. She says, “you heard me” sitting back in her chair. She adds, “How does that make you feel?” He says, “Angry, you have been sleeping next to me thinking of another man.” Well, you have been sleeping next to me thinking about this different life. I never really thought of any other man.” His face loosens and he looks puzzled. She continues, “I just wanted you to see how I feel without me being emotionally dramatic”. She has his attention. It isn’t the thoughts, they are normal. It is the lack of communication. We should be talking about everything because everyday we fight to maintain what we built and the threat of our kingdom falling starts with us. He smiles at her and says, “Point taken”….

~AzizBrown~

Love Was Made….

Love Was Made….

The darkest night fell as your light skinned body rubbed against me. Sparks flew igniting a passion of a flame which couldn’t be extinguished by the wetness of your arousal. My hands felt the curves, as your nails dug deeper into my flesh. The pain of your touch heightened the pleasure of being connected by organs. Our hearts raced competing with the desire to lust. The Love between us prevented me from exploding without exploring your exploration first. The excitement slowed as I concentrated on your face, picturing our future, and realizing how fortunate I was to be inside a place I can call home. Your eyes opened widely, arms wrapped tightly around my back, face flushed with color, screaming loud enough to shock my ear drums. Your high made me high. Your low made me low. Our hearts started to slow, gaining control over our breaths. We kissed and made up….

~AzizBrown~

Worth Every Step….

Worth Every Step….

The walk was long and hard but the Love I have for you is endless. The world couldn’t divide me from my fresher air, stronger heartbeat, and my God given right to merge my soul with yours. I hold your breast on my pecs, cheek to cheek, and our eyes close listening to eachother’s breaths. It’s unbelievable! The embrace moves to holding one another’s hands, eyes open, studying every curve on the other’s face, and we are forced to smile because happiness invades us. Yes, the walk has been long and hard but my feet hurting so my heart can heal is worth every step….

~AzizBrown~