I am not worthy of my eyes closing and dreaming of you because I fear your no’s wide awake. I am not of value because your stare isn’t enough, I want you in my arms cuddled up on the couch. I don’t deserve to breathe because I hold my breath in your presence, taking for granted the time I am wasting. I am not worth your faith because I Love escape when I refuse to take a step. I don’t deserve God because I have devilish thoughts of sexual lust. I am not because we aren’t and I want to be….
Today, I woke from the dead and mourning has ended. Looking at my body lifeless on the bed. I am ready to start again. Giving the spirit to move forward, I am thankful to have a second chance. Leaving behind the pain and seeing that joy is my purpose. Staring in the eyes of the people I Love, I am present. Alive in the facts that I am Loved. Passion leads me through a heartbeat being used to strengthen others. I have survived. So, I smile and find matching smiles….
The rain came before the sun. The umbrella, I placed over my head didn’t prevent me from being drenched. The storm was a message, we really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We fought until we spoke the same language. We shared until it became natural. We hugged and kissed until we were pros. We ask hard questions expecting honest answers. We searched for where we related together. We never pretend we didn’t disagree, we expressed it. Sometimes we had to retreat to our corners, other times we stood in the middle of the ring and traded punches. I thought, I was protected by the umbrella over my head but I was drenched. She came from out of nowhere; clear skies, one gray cloud, then the whole world went black. My heart pumped, frustration became a normal emotion, but the greatest Love was somehow being built. She didn’t want my compassion, she wanted my truth. She didn’t shy away from my mind, she just challenged it to open up further. It was raw from the beginning until one day we were cooked. All of our truths on the table, we were ready to dine for a lifetime. Then, the sun came out….
A heart beat increases in the middle of the night, cold sweat invades your forehead, and your eyes are blood shot. You remember when it was great to have hope in the future. The belief, when you hugged them felt like forever. Then, it all changed. The reality of self before us became apparent. Life will never feel the same again. Those joyful smiles are lost in the anger of disappointment. The walks that seemed so romantic are devalued. You sit looking out the window at the emptiness of possibilities. Nothing makes you feel alive. Then, you walk pass a person, two eyes become four, then two again. Your heart begins to have life beating out your chest. Your teeth appear and the warmth of the sun had meaning. You remember the breathes you take are to Love, not live in misery. We walk toward the person, taking a leap of faith. You risk the heart beats increasing in the middle of the night, cold sweats invading your forehead, and your eyes being blood shot. Because, it is worth never feeling that lost again because you truly found a forever happiness….
I whispered in your ear “I Love you”, your cheek was pressed up against my face. The smell of your happiness, aroused me. My heart beat started the drum, my pores started to water, and I couldnt help but to wrap my arms around your lower back and pull you in closer. You are my life. You enhance my passion to live. I breathe a little deeper, due to smile. Your body heat warmed my soul, not because I am was horny, but because you are home. I pushed you away from me to see you eye to eye. I want you to know a part of my faith is to stay faithful to us. You started to cry, I placed four fingers against your temples, as my thumbs wiped your tears. I leaned in, to suck the tears I missed off you lips. You kissed me passioniately and I returned the passion by wrapping my lips around yours. The moment was perfected in joy. Love wasn’t made, it was explored….
I Love You Aziz
Too many of us had Too many sad ending that we are scared to begin again. We preach bitterness as WISDOM and selfishness as SMARTS. Allowing an individual to replace our faith in TOGRTHERNESS with self-Perservation. We must always remember that this life is all about searching for HEAVEN and staying focus on that as our DESTINATION through all the pain. Keep your heart open, believe you learned from the past, and will find better in your future. Maintain LOVE as a FAITH….
Authored By Aziz
Dear Aziz Love Shabazz Brown,
This isn’t the greatest world I gifted you because the reality is, there will be evil people you will encounter. My job is to assure you do not become one of them. Matter of fact, MY PURPOSE is to assure that you give to this world far more than you take from it. That will start with SELF-CONFIDENCE. You will leave our home understanding your value and you will return daily with that same worth. Listen to me, I have built myself to be the type of man you can look up to and I will not stop building you until we are seeing EYE to EYE. I have no plans for your career, partnership, or dreams; but I will instill of FOUNDATION that will allow to KNOW you are capable of anything you wish to accomplish. LOVE will pump through your veins! I will hug and kiss you because affection is a MUST. I will DISCIPLINE you because wrong will need to be corrected to right. I will CHALLENGE you because I will be damned if you aren’t prepared when life does. But most of all, I will have FAITH in you because limiting you isn’t an option. Aziz Love Shabazz Brown you will be provided a VillAGE, so what I can’t someone else can. I look forward to our journey TOGETHER….
I LOVE YOU from your DADDY