A heart beat increases in the middle of the night, cold sweat invades your forehead, and your eyes are blood shot. You remember when it was great to have hope in the future. The belief, when you hugged them felt like forever. Then, it all changed. The reality of self before us became apparent. Life will never feel the same again. Those joyful smiles are lost in the anger of disappointment. The walks that seemed so romantic are devalued. You sit looking out the window at the emptiness of possibilities. Nothing makes you feel alive. Then, you walk pass a person, two eyes become four, then two again. Your heart begins to have life beating out your chest. Your teeth appear and the warmth of the sun had meaning. You remember the breathes you take are to Love, not live in misery. We walk toward the person, taking a leap of faith. You risk the heart beats increasing in the middle of the night, cold sweats invading your forehead, and your eyes being blood shot. Because, it is worth never feeling that lost again because you truly found a forever happiness….
Our eyes, pacing back and forth, four pubils work as two in unison. I see you and you see me. Our lips aren’t moving, yet we are having words. I can smell the familiar scent of your skin. We are so intertwined that I can feel the joy in your smile. We have erased the background of our surrounds. We are we! Our margin are aligned, we are writing the story of us. I am responsible for those crow feet evading your eyes. You are the reason I have happy marks circling my mouth. Your ears remain open to my heart and my heart remains open to your ideas. We have touched one another within using our hands. My shoulders broaden in your presense, I am gifted with the strength to carry your weight. I am blind. I am blessed enough to have someone that can guide me. Doubt has no pulse, hope is breathing. You are forever, the measurement for happiness….
I washed up on shore as the sun rose. I jumped into the water under a fully lit moon, hoping to forget everything. God had other plans. When I entered the water I was a heart broken fool that wanted the pain to subside so much that I was willing to not feel at all. Moments before I ended up with the water splashing against my feet, I was drowned by the Love of my life telling me we no longer had a life. My heart emptied, brain blanked, and my eyes swelled. I walked away in silence because I had no fight in me. I walked right into the sea, hoping to never resurface. But, God had other plans. I woke up to the warmth of the sun, choking from the water in my system, and my first deep breaths in what felt like days. Full of sand, I stood up, started dusting off my clothes, and started walking away from the sea. I realized what was once my end is now my beginning. The pain was still present but the gift of life reminded me I still had a shot at Joy….
She smiled at me from across the room. Was she being polite or was this an invite? I smiled back hoping it was an invitation to get to know her. The meeting ended. I fumbled around with the hand outs hoping she would stop. She walked out the room, my tactic didn’t work. I finally got all my papers in order and started for the door. As I was leaving she was on her way back in. She forgot her pen at the same time I couldn’t get my papers together. I said ” Oh, did you for get something? Would you want me to help you find it”. She said, “No, it is right here but you can wait for me if you would like.” Her tactic worked a lot better then mine. When she walked out the first time, i thought I lost my chance, but when she walked back in I wasn’t going to waste a second chance. She planned it so masterfully. Or maybe she walked out thinking she missed her chance and walked back in to get a second one. Either way, I waited at the door, holding it open the hold time, glancing over never seeing a pen on the table, but one appeared in her hand as she started toward the door. She walked out and ask me if I was coming. She caught me looking at her butt, but she acted as if she never saw it. I closed the door and we started down the hallway getting to know each other better….
I Want Great….
People may be able to string a few good moments together but you have to have a soul to function around me. I mean, most would settle for “good” because they have been “bad” a time in their lives. I expect great! I have an expectation for life which means I have an expectation for those around me. I have done a lot of bad (wrong). I continue to fail and get back up; I correct with focus and dedication. I think of those in my life before I decide to do something in life. You can guarantee I will be loyal to my words, dedicated to my actions, honest in my approach, and truthful in my apologies. Others returns should mirror the same. My company should reflect my values and set my worth. A few good deeds and just showing up through hard times isn’t good enough. You have to be present through it all, devote your heart beat. I am worthy….
Her skin softened in my hands, it touched my ego. We would go all night, waking up in the morning just to let go. The dreams we had under the moon wasn’t reality once we woke up to the sun. She would get dress and return back to the life that she claimed was lifeless. Yet, she continued returning home instead of staying in mine. The chase would bore in theory but as soon as her eyes captured mine. I was caught up again in her empty promises. My heart will race, she would win, and i would go ahead in head first. I never took a second to stop and think, the day will come, and I would just be another knight; trying to convince a Queen, that I can one day be the king, her king could never be. Then, I realized I wasn’t royalty, I was just another man in armor, attempting to protect a damsel in distress which never was stress. She only wanted a side to go with her entree. But, I wanted to be the meat. So, I stopped giving her my sword and found my own kingdom with a queen that was willing to give me everything. And, I never looked back….
Focused on the curves in your spine, over the emptiness in your heart. Watching your nice lips over the words leaving them. Yet, I blame you for the pain, when you told me you were insane. I thought I was different because all I wanted us to be was the same. I wished for more, nonetheless you weren’t well. You said “I am not ready for Love”, but I gave you a hug believing my heart will pump Love into you. Yet, I blame you. I made excuses for your actions because I didn’t want to take action. I pushed Love ones away for judging you, never seeing I was a prisoner. You never lied about being a virus, but I thought I can nurse you to health. I blame you, for the numbness in my days. The unbearable aching at night. I gave years to someone that only wanted to be a moment. Yet, I blame you, when it was me. You were honest, I just lied to myself. I blame myself and now I am ready to heal….