I am not worthy of my eyes closing and dreaming of you because I fear your no’s wide awake. I am not of value because your stare isn’t enough, I want you in my arms cuddled up on the couch. I don’t deserve to breathe because I hold my breath in your presence, taking for granted the time I am wasting. I am not worth your faith because I Love escape when I refuse to take a step. I don’t deserve God because I have devilish thoughts of sexual lust. I am not because we aren’t and I want to be….
Today, I woke from the dead and mourning has ended. Looking at my body lifeless on the bed. I am ready to start again. Giving the spirit to move forward, I am thankful to have a second chance. Leaving behind the pain and seeing that joy is my purpose. Staring in the eyes of the people I Love, I am present. Alive in the facts that I am Loved. Passion leads me through a heartbeat being used to strengthen others. I have survived. So, I smile and find matching smiles….
I see her. But, she is blinded by yesterday’s pain, unforgiving of herself for allowing failure to be possible. She runs, from all that causes smiles and happiness. Discomfort has new meaning. When hugged, she pictures betrayal. When kissed, she only thinks how the saliva will dry. When Loved, she believes God hates her. Yet, I still see her. Everything I know her heart can be. The hope of a romantic Love that sees us both daring to risk everyone to gain everything. The pain in her eyes can’t blind her forever, and when she can see herself again. I want to be right there waiting….
A heart beat increases in the middle of the night, cold sweat invades your forehead, and your eyes are blood shot. You remember when it was great to have hope in the future. The belief, when you hugged them felt like forever. Then, it all changed. The reality of self before us became apparent. Life will never feel the same again. Those joyful smiles are lost in the anger of disappointment. The walks that seemed so romantic are devalued. You sit looking out the window at the emptiness of possibilities. Nothing makes you feel alive. Then, you walk pass a person, two eyes become four, then two again. Your heart begins to have life beating out your chest. Your teeth appear and the warmth of the sun had meaning. You remember the breathes you take are to Love, not live in misery. We walk toward the person, taking a leap of faith. You risk the heart beats increasing in the middle of the night, cold sweats invading your forehead, and your eyes being blood shot. Because, it is worth never feeling that lost again because you truly found a forever happiness….
Is it Love that you believe in? Or is it the passion of moments that you try to hold on to for a lifetime? You come home day after day, building a life with someone that takes you for granted. You hold on to the great times as if the relationship shouldn’t be full of them. We are taught that we should eat straps because in the beginning we were dining at the finest resturants. Relationship are hardwork they say….but it is personal. Passion should replace the word work. Arguments should create peace not distant memories of souls intertwined. Bitting our tongues isn’t Love, it’s a mouth full of blood, and it hurts. When we are ready to walk out the door, why is there another gear they can achieve? Shouldn’t that be the gear that’s consistently shown. Shouldn’t the exception be alone time to collect our thoughts? It is sad! Our reality is working through selfish choices because we Love someone. Shouldn’t Love be keeping your Love ones in mind before you make a choice? It’s heartbreaking! We see a happy couple and widsom is telling them, they will not be happy forever. Happy people are so naive, yet miserable one’s are insightful. Do you believe in Love? Love is, going through life honoring every commitment you made with your life. Love is, communicating every misguided thought to essure your relationship remains guided. Love is, navigating through life’s problems not creating problems, just to say you witnessed life. We need to learn what Love is because our belief in Love is starting to cross the thin line to hate….
Mute, my voice has been silenced because you refuse to have truth leave your lips. Everything that once gave me life, has killed our growth, planted by weeds. You broke my heart by forgetting to let me in on your secrets. You have destroyed my ego because I let you in on mine. I attached you to my dreams by making you the queens of my creativity. Now, the cameras have lose their focus and I am left being the editor of whether we were ever right. Love had blinded me from seeing, I can see. You made a fool of me and for that I am angry. But, I am upset with you for not Loving the foolish me, the me that wanted to be happy….
Our eyes, pacing back and forth, four pubils work as two in unison. I see you and you see me. Our lips aren’t moving, yet we are having words. I can smell the familiar scent of your skin. We are so intertwined that I can feel the joy in your smile. We have erased the background of our surrounds. We are we! Our margin are aligned, we are writing the story of us. I am responsible for those crow feet evading your eyes. You are the reason I have happy marks circling my mouth. Your ears remain open to my heart and my heart remains open to your ideas. We have touched one another within using our hands. My shoulders broaden in your presense, I am gifted with the strength to carry your weight. I am blind. I am blessed enough to have someone that can guide me. Doubt has no pulse, hope is breathing. You are forever, the measurement for happiness….