The Pain of Disfunction….

The Pain of Disfunction….

I washed my hand of the madness between us, but you followed me into the next room. I am suppose to hold my anger, yet I asked for space, and you keep coming closer. The baby is in the next room crying, the other children are so used to our dysfunction they continue to watch television. They are laughing in the background as your voice increases with rage because I refuse to respond. I want to keep my family whole. How is that possible when together we are so unhealthy? I talked to my family and friends, it is some normal in their lives they tell me to thug it out. Your in my ear and I am ready to boil. I reach for the door to leave. You grab my hand, yelling at the top of your lungs, “You can’t walk out on me, you ruined my body with these children”. I turn with the devil in my eyes, “get off me”. You just grab me with your other hand, saying “I am not scare of you”. Pushing my buttons, testing my resolve. I have never hit you before but I am close. Teeth are clitching, jaw is protruding, and the vein in my forehead is ready to explore. The moment continue to weaken me. You are shaking me, my hand is forming a fist, and arm is cocking back. One of the children come out. “Mommy, Daddy, I am hungry. God used my lil girl to remind me of the man I am. I walk into the kitchen and start making the children something to eat. Continuing to live this life, hiding behind staying for the children, not seeing that staying is hurting my children.

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Did Love Forget Me????

Did Love Forget Me????

Love has forgotten to write! I mean, I wrote Love for years and never received one letter from Love. Pouring my heart into each word, tears hit the pages many times, and nothing. I have shown Love; I can be LOYAL. I mean, I stayed when they hurt me. I forgave them by giving them a million chances. I have never judged them for cheating, beating, or mistreating me. I still support them. I turned the other cheek because “I Love them”. I wrote that in a letter to you, hoping you will write back, nothing. Love, you forgot to write. I mean, i have shown DEDICATION. I have help those that needed me the most. I have shared my money with penniless people. I have fed the homeless, assisted blind people to their destination, and I have taken the time to support people in their illnesses. I wrote, not a word. I have been HONEST. I hit my knees when they attempted to walk out the door, I begged them to be good to their children, and I have told them I was hurt when they didn’t consider me. I mean, I was truthful about my emotions; though I was so angry. I was “real” because I didn’t want to walk away. I was DEVOTED. I told them until death and I meant it. I stayed when they embarrassed me in front of my friends, isolated me from my family, and refused to allow me to grow. I mean, I Loved them when they did some of the cruelest things in return. Love has forgotten to write! Or Maybe I never addressed Love correctly…..

~AzizBrown~