I see her. But, she is blinded by yesterday’s pain, unforgiving of herself for allowing failure to be possible. She runs, from all that causes smiles and happiness. Discomfort has new meaning. When hugged, she pictures betrayal. When kissed, she only thinks how the saliva will dry. When Loved, she believes God hates her. Yet, I still see her. Everything I know her heart can be. The hope of a romantic Love that sees us both daring to risk everyone to gain everything. The pain in her eyes can’t blind her forever, and when she can see herself again. I want to be right there waiting….
We sit on a park bench discussion a world that sits between us. We speak of the past and the pain that prevents vulnerabilty in the present. Your eyes wander as we talk of you once surrendering to another, just to have your heart crushed. You go on to say “that you want to believe, as I believe, that lessons learned from pain will bring future pleasure”. Yet, your head drops because you can’t let go. I speak of my refusal to allow you to punish me for crimes committed by another. I tell you that I will not continue to see the victim in you while you make a victim of me. We sit in silence, struggling with the disconnection of past pain and future joy. I look to the sky knowing God has brought you into my life, but why with so much uncertainty? I fix my chin, look into your eyes knowing i am not yet ready to let go. You stare at me confused at why I still inch closer. That answer is also unclear to me but I know that my heart tell me you are worth the fight so I continue to inch closer….
An ounce of your kisses continues to allow my heart to pound. Miserable, because I am so happy in your arms and their is so much suffering in the world. Sad, because I have the motivation to climb mountains and so many fear mounting a hill. You make me happy. You remind me I exist. We are perfection. Our sheets are enough to cover us through those cold winter days because our body heat is quilted in Love. I sit in a daze on my way to work, amazed that I have a job I enjoy; keeping joy in your heart. Content, isn’t a strong enough word to express what’s written in my heart. Peace can’t be the definition of the warring passion I have to fight for us. You will never be alone again, I navigate through society, driven by one passenger, I picked up when I stopped and saw the light; now everything is alright. Thank you for bringing My faith to life, I Love You….